Am I Sheltering My Child Too Much?

This article came in my inbox this morning, and I thought it was too good not to share. I hope it is okay to cut and paste this! :)

Am I Sheltering My Child Too Much?
by Gena Suarez


"Do you "shelter" your children? We're finding that's a bad word in some circles. Something is creeping into the church (and even the homeschooling community), and it isn't biblical. It is an "anti-sheltering campaign" of sorts, and it's full of holes. Think about it. What does it mean to shelter? Protect. Defend. Guard. Preserve. Watch over. Shield. Safeguard. Hmmmm, so far so good, right? Sure, until "Christian pop psychology" comes in and tells us we should allow our children to taste a little of the world in order to understand it or pray for it ... that we should not "over-shelter" them. Nonsense.

What's the opposite of shelter? Expose. Endanger. We parents are called to be like our Father in Heaven. He is the greatest "Shelterer" there ever was, and it is us He shelters - or watches over; protecting us, preserving us, shielding us. Is God missing something, here? Should He instead follow the advice of those (shamefully, some of these are even pastors!) who say to lay off a bit? Thankfully, the Lord is a bit wiser than that. Praise Him for this! Glory to God who knows how to parent (shelter) us perfectly!

May we as parents follow this model - His model. Let's continue to shelter (love) our children as He loves us. Dismiss the garbage that crawls in; don't buy it. We're promised there will be false teachers, liars in the church (and there are many). I want to keep my eyes focused on Christ, come what may.

By the way, someone once shared with me that when it comes to parenting, she would rather err on the side of being a little too careful/sheltering than to err on the wrong side. Paul and I agree wholeheartedly with this. We would prefer to be a tad "too" protective than to make a major mistake we can't take back once it's done. We've learned some hard lessons over the years.

And as our kids get much older, as we see the Truth in them growing as they take on their own relationship with the Lord, complete with Godly convictions, we can loosen up the reins a little. There's no set formula for this, though, so don't let anyone try and give you one. You know your children better than anyone, and can assess their maturity in the Lord best....But again, be careful. Do it slowly and if you're going to "go overboard", do so on the conservative end. Don't err on the wrong side.

And just to be clear, this doesn't mean to stop sheltering them. During the short time we have them, we have a responsibility to protect them and to guard them against ungodly influences and worldly displays the best we can. The wisest thing we can do right now is to soak them in God's word. Pour it into their hearts. Train them up in His ways so that as they get older and begin to leave the nest, they walk in Truth and can go out and start families, bringing their own children up (tightly to their hips) in the love and admonition of their Lord.

May your sweet children rise up and call you blessed for your faithfulness and hard work in raising them up in Christ. It's not easy, it's often thankless (for years), and you can fall into doubts, especially when you come up against a whining 14 or 16 year old who wants his way (and wants YOU out of his way). Don't give into the doubts; that's a trap. Rather, lovingly stand firm. God stands firmly beside us, sheltering us. May we do the same for our children.

"Glory to God who knows how to parent (shelter) us perfectly!"
Parents: Keep sheltering them. You are bringing them up in the love and admonition of the Lord, not in the latest "homeschool philosophy." God's word trumps any speaker! It dwarfs any author! May you be blessed as you continue to walk in obedience of His word.

Lord, thank you for sheltering me. Please never stop. "Over-shelter" if You will (if there is such a thing). Fine with me!

Over-protect, over-defend, over-guard me; please do! I'll take it all, Lord. Keep me tight to Your side. I'm safe in that place. There, I can breathe and thrive. It's where I find my hope in Christ.

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. - Psalms 61:3

Action point: Do you need to repent to someone today for looking down on (judging) them? Have you been a thorn in another parent's side over this issue? Who have you scolded or cryptically "spoken to" about their "overbearance" in regards to their own children? It might be time to humbly pick up the phone or shoot off an email.


Parents who strongly shelter their children are to be praised, not made to feel inadequate or odd. That's the world lying to us, there.

And this world is not our home. "


Paul and Gena Suarez reside in beautiful eastern Tennessee, where they homeschool(ed) their six children: Paul (21), Luke (19), Levi (17), Julia Rachel (14), Susanna Hope (3) and Chloe Abigail (18 months). They enjoy long country drives in the van while listening to books on CD, hanging out with good friends, and staying up late. By the grace of God, the Suarez family publishes The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, LLC.

______________________

R.C. Sproul, Jr. says it so well.." Clearly there is an appropriate kind of sheltering. When those who are opposed to homeschooling accuse me of sheltering my children, my reply is always, 'What are you going to accuse me of next, feeding and clothing them?'...One of the most compelling arguments I've ever heard for homeschooling is this one given against it: 'My child will rebel if I homeschool him.' The solution for parents who have lost control is never to give up more control. That our children identify more with a circle of friends, a peer group, than they do with our family is the problem, not the solution. If your daughter is more committed to this alternative family of her friends down at the mall, she needs to be removed from that family, and brought back into the repentant family that allowed things to get this far."
______________

New Schoolroom Curtains

In our rental home, we are blessed to have an extra room for our schoolroom. However, it's the room you have to enter our house through (not good, since it's not always 'neat'). And, it's all pine, so while it's cozy, it's a bit dark sometimes. So, we decided to give the room some color. (I must add that part of this was due to being at my friend, Meg's, house and seeing how she made her schoolroom bright and cheery-made me realize how 'dull' ours was-not very inspiring). So, we headed out to the fabric store a couple weeks ago and-miracle of miracles-my children ALL decided on one fabric! I'm not sure they have ever been able to agree on anything prior to this. :) It's such a fun fabric. I'm hoping, down the road, to make some chair cushions with some coordinating fabric. For now, I am enjoying our little owl curtains. :)

Break in the Day (Dance your pants off!)

We were in the middle of our first day of school yesterday and needed a break! So, we put on some music and danced til we were too tired to dance anymore! :) Sometimes, you just have to dance. :)

First Day of School 2011 (part 2)

First Day of School August 2011

"How was your first day of school?"

Lizzie-"Awesome! I loved it, but I don't like math."

Myra-"Okay. I'm tired."

First Day of Kindergarten 2011

Mom-"How was your first day of school?"

My Boy-"Nice! I thought it wouldn't be fun, but it was awesome." :)

Today was the first day of the 2011-2012 school year for us. First day of kindergarten for the boy. Honestly, I was a bit anxious about "starting all over" again this year. I mean, my oldest has made it to sixth grade-our eighth year of homeschooling-and the thought of starting all over was a bit overwhelming to me. However, I must say it was so much fun today with him! The little crafts, the fun books. A different pace. He has been sick the last four days, running a high fever, but in between Tylenol doses, he had some energy and did really well. Poor baby! :) We may have to take tomorrow off and go to the doctor. Here's a few pictures from our first day.

We didn't have peppercorns, so we used cloves! They worked!

"A is for Astronaut", so we made a rocket ship with pictures of things that start with A!

When Sorrow and Joy Meet

I'm sitting here this morning, not at church, because my sweet boy has had a fever and cough the past few days. It's a precious time in a mother's life, to take care of your sick little ones. I'd rather them not be sick, mind you, but there is something about comforting a sick little one, holding them in your arms, tenderly nurturing them. It always makes me realize what affection I have for my children, and what a blessing they are.

This post has nothing to do, really, with my son being sick, but since I'm home, it does give me a chance to post. I read this yesterday in Streams In the Desert, a devotional I have read day by day for the last 17 years, (I never tire of it) and I thought it was such a beautiful reminder to us that I wanted to share.

2 Corinthians 6:10 "As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing."

"Sorrow was beautiful, but her beauty was the beauty of the moonlight shining through the leafy branches of the trees in the wood, and making little pools of silver here and there on the soft green moss below.


When sorrow sang, her notes were like the low sweet call of the nightingale, and in her eyes was the unexpectant gaze of one who has ceased to look for coming gladness. She could weep in tender sympathy with those who weep, but to rejoice with those who rejoice was unknown to her.

Joy was beautiful, too, but his was the radiant beauty of the summer morning. His eyes still held the glad laughter of childhood, and his hair had the glint of the sunshine's kiss. When Joy sang his voice soared upward as the lark's, and his step was the step of a conqueror who has never known defeat. He could rejoice with all who rejoice, but to weep with those who weep was unknown to him.


'But we can never be united,' said Sorrow wistfully.

'No, never.' And Joy's eyes shadowed as he spoke. 'My path lies through the sunlit meadows, and the sweetest roses bloom for my gathering, and the blackbirds and thrushes await my coming to pour forth their most joyous lays.'

'My path,' said Sorrow, turning slowly away,'leads through the darkening woods, with moon-flowers only shall my hands be filled. Yet the sweetest of all earth-songs-the love song of the night-shall be mine; farewell, Joy, farewell.'

Even as she spoke they became conscious of a form standing beside them; dimly seen, but of a Kingly Presence, and a great and holy awe stole over them as they sank on their knees before Him.

'I see Him as the King of Joy,' whispered Sorrow, ' for on His Head are many crowns, and the nailprints in His hands and feet are the scars of great victory. Before Him all my sorrow is melting away into deathless love and gladness, and I give myself to Him forever.'

'Nay, Sorrow,' said Joy softly,'but I see Him as the King of Sorrow, and the crown on His head is a crown of thorns and nailprints in His hands and feet are the scars of a great agony. I, too, give myself to Him forever, for sorrow with Him must be the sweeter than any joy I have ever known.'

'Then we are one in Him,' they cried in gladness,' for none but He could unite Joy and Sorrow.'

Hand in hand they passed out into the world to follow Him through storm and sunshine, in the bleakness of winter cold and the warmth of summer gladness, 'as sorrowful yet always rejoicing.'

Anger (guest post)

photo © karimcgrathphotography 2011

Anger

By Myra

Everyone gets angry,and I mean everyone. Have you ever felt like you could never forgive? I have. These to two boys were not being nice to me recently,and I felt so angry that I thought I could never forgive them. But I realize anger does not solve anything. It just makes us hate,and not be ourselves. I was so angry at those boys, and I prayed that I would be able to forgive and I prayed and prayed and God made my heart soften. So...I might still think what they did was wrong but I forgive them, and I bet I might get angry at them again but I will turn to God not to my own flesh. If you feel angry at someone then I know some really good verses for you. "The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love,forgiving iniquity and transgression,but he will by no means clear the guilty,visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children,to the third and the fourth generation." Proverbs 16:32 "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who takes the city." And, lastly, Nahum 1:3 "The Lord is slow to anger and great in power... " So, when you are angry turn to God he will soften your heart.

All That Is WIthin Me

(painting by Marc Eckel of Splat Experience)

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove
our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame,
he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on
those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the Lord, O you angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
Bless the Lord, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!"

Psalm 103

Lessons From the Farm-Conversations with my 5 year old

"Mama," said Nehemiah, "why is that rooster always jumping on the hens backs?"

"Well, it's just a game they like to play," I said.

To which my son replied: "Well, mama, that must be their favorite game, because they play it every day!"

Siblings

Siblings

By Myra

I am an older sister to Lizzie, age 9,and Nehemiah, age 4. Sometimes they drive me nuts, like when they break my toys, and do not listen when I tell them something. And sometimes I wish they were never born. I know a lot of people feel this way and often I do to. But I realize they are a blessing from God. God gave them to me for a reason, like to teach me patience,and kindness,and many more reasons. I realize that when I treat them right it blesses God so much. Something could happen to them at any moment, so every night I tell them I love them. So treat your siblings in a way that honors God and seek to bless them too.

Computer Dangers and Resolutions

photo © karimcgrath 2009

"Here are five computer dangers and five resolutions (or vows) that we all might do well to make.

1. DANGER: The hook of constant curiosity

Personal computers offer a neverending possibility for discovery. Even the basic environment of Windows can consume hours and days and weeks of curious punching and experimenting. Color schemes, layouts, screensavers, shortcuts, icons, file-managing, calculators, clocks, calendars. Then there are the endless software applications consuming weeks of your time as they lure you into their intracacies. All this is very deceptive, giving the illusion of power and effectiveness, but leaving you with a feeling of emptiness and nervousness at the end of the day.

RESOLUTION: I will strictly limit my experimental time on the computer and devote myself more to truth than to technique.

2. DANGER: The empty world of virtual (un)reality

How sad to see brilliant, creative people pouring hours and days of their lives into creating cities and armies and adventures that have no connection with reality. We have one life to live. All our powers are given to us by the real God for the real world leading to a real heaven and real hell.

RESOLUTION: I will spend my constructive, creative energy not in the unreality of "virtual reality," but in the reality of the real world.

3. DANGER: Personal relations with my PC

Like no other invention, the personal computer comes closest to being like a person. You can play games with it. There are programs that will dialogue with you about your personality. It will talk to you. It will always be there for you. It is smarter than your dog. The great danger here is that we really become comfortable with this manageable electronic "person," and gradually drift away from the unpredictable, frustrating, sometimes painful dealings with human persons.

RESOLUTION: I will not replace the risk of personal relationships with impersonal electronic safety.

4. DANGER: The risk of tryst

'Tryst\trist\noun: an agreement (as between lovers) to meet.' Sexual affairs begin in private time together, extended conversation, and the sharing of the soul. It can now be done in the absolute exclusion of your private email screen name. It can be immediate and 'live,' or delayed and 'recorded.' You can think that 'it's just nothing'-until he or she shows up in town. It has happened already too many times.

RESOLUTION: I will not cultivate a one-on-one relationship with a person of the opposite sex other than my spouse. If I am single, I will not cultivate such a relationship with another person's spouse.

5. DANGER: Pc Porn

More insidious than x-rated videos, we can now not only watch, but join the perversity in the privacy of our own den. Interactive porn will allow you to 'do it' or make them 'do it' with your mouse. I have never seen it. Nor do I ever intend to. It kills the spirit. It drives God away. It depersonalizes people. It quenches prayer. It blanks out the Bible. It cheapens the soul. It destroys spiritual power. It defiles everything.

RESOLUTION: I will never open any program for sexual stimulation, nor purchase or download anything pornographic.

Computers and the Internet and email are remarkable gifts of God. Yes, they are threats to our schedules and our hearts and families-as is the telephone and the television and radio and a hundred handheld electronic games. All God's gifts can be made idols and even weapons of rebellion against the Giver. But they need not be.

Instead, we should ask with the psalmist,'What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me?' (Psalm 116:12). And we should answer, as he does. 'I shall lift up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord. I shall pay my vows to the Lord' (Psalm 116:13-14). In other words, when God helps us-as he does every moment of every day-we will not repay him with wage-labor to even our accounts; but we will (again and again) lift up an empty cup of need and call on him to fill it. And with that fresh gift of grace we will keep our resolution. Not in our strength. But in the 'cup-filling' strength of God. Sit before your computer. Make your vows. And lift up your cup."

(John Piper, Taste and See, pp. 138-140)

Puzzles

Lizzie wrote this little essay today and asked me if it was okay. It touched my heart, and I was amazed at her analogy (and, I must say, use of the wording in the last sentence). :) I had to share:

"I like puzzles, don't you? I don't know anyone who doesn't like puzzles. Do you know anyone who doesn't like puzzles? The hard puzzles are probably my favorite. Although, I just got done doing a 300 piece puzzle. My favorite puzzle has 1,000 pieces. But the hardest puzzle of all is to follow God in every thing that He does and is yet to do. Sin is an easy puzzle, but following God is the hardest puzzle. And sin will tempt you. It will tell you to just take it easy -like doing an easy puzzle- but you will not find delight in every easy thing that you do." (Lizzie, August 15, 2011)

His Mercy Poured Out on Us

photo © karimcgrath 2011

I read this this morning in my quiet time and was so encouraged by it. According to His own mercy He saved us. It's nothing we have done, not our good acts, not our striving for "righteousness." It's all Him. What freedom and joy that brings my heart!


"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hurting one another. But, when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life." (Titus 3:3-7)

Trust in God, not Means

"'Why do I carry on this business, or why am I engaged in this trade of profession?' In most instances, so far as my experience goes, which I have gathered in my service among the saints during the last fifty-one years and a half, I believe the answer would be: 'I am engaged in my earthly calling, that I may earn the means of obtaining the necessaries of life for myself and family.' Here is the chief error from which almost all the rest of the errors, which are entertained by children of God, relative to their calling, spring. It is no right and scriptural motive, to be engaged in trade, or business, or profession, merely in order to earn the means for the obtaining of the necessaries of life for ourselves and family; but we should work, because it is the Lord's will concerning us. This is plain from the following passages: 1 Thess. 4:11-12; 2 Thess. 3:10-12; Eph. 4:28.

It is quite true that, in general, the Lord provides the necessaries of life by means of our ordinary calling; but that that is not THE REASON why we should work, is plain enough from the consideration, that if our possessing the necessaries of life depended upon our ability of working, we could never have freedom from anxiety, for we should always have to say to ourselves, and what shall I do when I am too old to work? or when by reason of sickness I am unable to earn my bread? But if on the other hand, we are engaged in our earthly calling, because it is the will of the Lord concerning us that we should work, and that thus laboring we may provide for our families and also be able to support the weak, the sick, the aged, and the needy, then we have good and scriptural reason to say to ourselves: should it please the Lord to lay me on a bed of sickness, or keep me otherwise by reason of infirmity or old age, or want of employment, from earning my bread by means of the labor of my hands, or my business, or my profession, He will yet provide for me."

(A Narrative of Some of the Lord's Dealing with George Mueller, Written by Himself, Jehovah Magnified. Addresses by George Mueller Complete and Unabridged, vol. 1, 393)

"...This truth applies not only to our vocation but to all areas of life. Moment by moment we use means to keep us alive and accomplish the purposes of God (food, houses, phones, cars, medicines, doctors, builders, advisers, etc). The lesson we need to learn is not to trust in these things when we use them, but to trust wholly in God. This applies also to the planning for our church. We plan. We budget. We teach and preach and counsel. The temptation is to continually trust in these things and not in God to work in and through and without these things. So as we dream toward ministry and missions, let us use means, but let us trust God. His promises are the only sure thing. All our means are fallible.

Mueller summed up the principle like this: 'This is one of the great secrets in connection with successful service for the Lord; to work as if everything depended upon our diligence, and yet not to rest in the least upon our exertions, but upon the blessing of the Lord..."

(John Piper, Taste and See)

Where Your Treasure Is

"..There is in the life and teachings of Jesus a relentless tendency toward simplicity. There is a steady impulse toward living at risk, and with a kind of abandon to the Father's care that looks foolish to the well-off world. There is an unsettling otherworldliness that made Jesus and his first followers radically useful in this dead-end world. There is a freedom from things and for the kingdom that thrills the heart of his disciples.

Lord, give us this freedom. At any cost, free us from the bondage to this world, and its images of success and power. Open our eyes to see that 'what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God' (Luke 16:15). Grant us to live as aliens and exiles. And fix our eyes on the all-satisfying, everlasting joy of arriving in heaven on the Calvary road of love and service." (John Piper, Taste and See, p. 261)

1000 Gifts #387

#387. That God gives me opportunities all day long (and everywhere I look!) to see how very blessed I am to have a house full of children...a family of my own, to love and serve.

(note the Nerf darts on the ceiling!)

(dirty dishes left on the table)

(craft items and books left in the wrong place)

(laundry to be put away..always laundry and more laundry)

(legos-aka 'deadly toys for your feet'-all over the carpet in the living room)

"..The world I live in is loud and blurring and toilets plug and I get speeding tickets and the dog gets sick all over the back step and I forget everything and these six kids lean hard into me all day to teach and raise and lead and I fail hard and there are real souls that are at stake and how long do I really have to figure out how to live full of grace, full of joy-before these six beautiful children fly the coop and my mothering days fold up quiet? How do you open the eyes to see how to take the daily, domestic, workday vortex and invert it into the dome of an everyday cathedral?.." (Anne Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts)