Sunday, November 12, 2006
Okay, so it's already November. Nehemiah is 3 months old, and I haven't posted since October? Or was it September? Who knows if anyone is still watching to see if one day a new post will magically appear on my site? Well...kaboom! The day has arrived! I am still not getting much sleep at night, but maybe a little more than I was. So, how do I quickly capture the last couple months?
Little Nehemiah is a beautiful bouncy baby boy!! Although, he's not really so little anymore. He's now 3 months (as previously stated. boy, I tend to repeat myself alot!) and almost 15 pounds. You know, Myra was only 16 pounds at a year old! He's a strapping young lad! He's started smiling and is playing more-it is just so much fun! We already can't imagine life without him!
The past few months have been crazy at times, to say the least. I do okay most days anymore. There was awhile that I kept coming to church and crying. They all probably thought we were having marital problems or something, but I really was just hormonal and exhausted. I was sure they all talked about me as the "elder's wife who needed some medication!" But it's been, like, several weeks now that I haven't cried my eyes out at church. This is good.
Homeschooling has presented new challenges with a new baby. For one, my house really distracts me. I have to make a conscious decision to stay put and focus on the kids for the mornings. I will say that there have been days that my thoughts have wondered to the public schools and to nannies--and both of them have sounded like incredible blessings! But, I take it one day at a time and really do thank God for this time with my babies! We're pacing ourselves and realizing our limits. And, I'm letting housework go. It's what I have to do for now.
Myra had her 7th birthday a few weeks ago. My baby is 7. She is such a compassionate, sweet girl. We had a princess party, and had several little princesses there. I will try to post pictures later.
Lizzie is still Lizzie! So funny! Today I had her tell someone how brave she is, and she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I am not brave with wolves." I told her I still thought she was brave anyways! She cracks me up.
Yesterday I had a home decor party and my friend who sells the houseware had everyone at the party go around and say what they liked most about me. It felt like a baby shower or something, but I'm always up for a little lifting up of SELF. So, one of my friends said it was my patience. My other friend, Cari, laughed. I suppose it was because she knows me better. Other friends said it was how sweet my spirit is. I think they all said those things to convict me, but they were trying to pass it off as "self-esteem hour." No, really! Do they know how very little patience and sweetness I have had since my baby came? Actually, it may have started in my eighth month of pregnancy. Either way, I thank God for the patience of my children with me! And, we are coming around again to more of a normal life. I think.
So, maybe I won't be the next one to write a book on parenting. But, God is writing the chapters of my life. I am growing and being stretched. And, it's all good.
Okay, my posts are always so long. Maybe if I posted more often, they wouldn't be. But, there is just so much to do these days. The other day Myra took something to the laundry room, and she came out (with a look of amazement) and said, "Mama, the laundry room looks so nice. I can see the floor." (that may not be word for word, but close) So, if I have time to post daily, it probably means I am ignoring my laundry. Or unclean.
**maybe my next post will be on how my country girls-helped their daddy "field dress" (or "gut" for you city folks) a deer today. That one will be especially for Carrie M., my California girl.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Okay, where is that verse that talks about God not giving you more than you can handle? hee, hee... This morning I woke up to all 3 of my kids sick. Actually, to say I woke up to it is not quite right, since Nehemiah and I hardly slept last night due to him not feeling well! Poor baby-it's his first taste of this fallen world...well, maybe not quite his first, considering all the poking and prodding they did on him in the hospital, not to mention his circumcision...okay, so not his first taste of this fallen world, but his first taste of being sick. I hate that his life will be full of this.
So, anyways, back to that verse...all 3 kids are sick (I'm sounding repetetive, I know...just hang in there with me; the story WILL end), I have 3 giant cold sores on my bottom lip-due to stress and being sick myself, I'm still recovering from my mastitis...Lord, My Cup Is Full, thank you! I suppose I can look at times like this and say, "I must need some serious refining from the Lord." Okay, Lord, bring it on. If it's what I need, I take it all as from you.
I'd like to say I excel spiritually in these times, that I soar on wings like eagles, that I run and don't grow weary. But, more often than not, I fail!! I get tired and discouraged and grumpy. I have a dear friend, Christina, who I love to death. She is a woman of the Word, and is such an encourager. Whenever I talk to her and I'm sick, she get's so excited that God has given me down time to spend in His word! She usually is saying that as I am flipping the channels on the big silver box of entertainment and joy! So, I hear her words ring in my ears everytime I get sick. "Think of all the time you have to spend in the Word." I love having friends like that. They challenge me. They push me to never settle. I need them!
Okay, well, I will try to keep the kids on the couch today and resting. (I have to wrangle them to rest!!) Iwill hold the baby, keep applying Abreeva to my lips, popping my antibiotics, and hopefully spend some time in the Word learning whatever the Lord wants me to learn from this! Refine me, Lord. You surely know I need it!!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Here is a little mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their
pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God, and the body in
which it dwells is worth all it will cost, since it is abode of a kingly tenant.
I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all. Yes, my
precious baby, you are welcome to your mother’s heart, welcome to her time, her
strength, her health, to her most tender cares, to her life-long prayers! Oh how
rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!
~ Elizabeth Prentiss’ Stepping Heavenward
Well, it's been a month tomorrow since our life was blessed with Nehemiah. He's such a handsome boy, if I do say so myself. He likes to be held-alot. As a matter of fact, if you put him down, he will let you know just how much he's not happy about it! I suppose it could be part of his manhood. He's trying to assert his authority-the way God made it! Or, maybe he's a sensitive type that just likes to be held and cuddled! Whatever the case, he's mine and I like to hold him. I know about "baby wise" and I do let him cry here and there when I have to, but you know-time just goes by too quickly for me. He's already one month old. My girls are already 6 and 4. And, Shane assures me with great seriousness that this IS our last child. I won't go into my feelings on that for now, but I want to enjoy this time. So, for now, at one month old, he is being spoiled! Can't help it.
What a wild month it's been! In a nutshell, you have the basics of a new baby-sleepless nights, lots of poopy, being peed on several times (it IS a boy), not getting much done around the house, frozen waffles, you know...then add to that, bed bugs or some sort of bug that likes to munch on Lizzie at night, and most recently, mastitis (a milk gland infection that leaves you with a high fever and feeling like you have the flu). Just the challenges of getting used to a newborn in the house again. And, yet, here he is-almost not a newborn anymore!
I suppose my biggest struggle has been not being able to keep up with my expectations for myself. Nobody else seems to have them for me. I have struggled with not being able to be a supermom and have the house perfect, keep the baby happy, start homeschooling, do crafts everyday with the girls, and cook gourmet meals for my family everyday while having a dynamic devotional time with the Lord and having His patience and joy and love flowing from me like a bubbling brook, oh-and I'd like to completely redecorate my home-you know, finish all my projects. Now, I really don't see that as unrealistic, do you? Yes, I can be ridiculous in my expectations on myself. I'm learning that. A dear friend of mine gave me the book, "Seasons of a Mother's Heart" to read. I've been reading it and am blessed. It's just what I've needed. The reality is that I am tired; I do not have money to redo my house; if I get 10 minutes with God, it's a good day; frozen meals are easy, if not necessarily healthy for my family right now; my house looks extremely "lived in"; most of my clothes don't fit yet; I have an occassional breakdown from feeling overwhelmed--and it's OKAY!
My favorite blog (besides realpyro.blogspot.com, of course!) is www.humblemusings.com . She cracks me up and encourages me and so many others. Her latest blog is about helping out with a homebirth of a friend of hers. This was a quote from that article:
"By giving herself to raise another daughter, Kristen will lose more of her lifeThat made me cry.
to serve Jesus. My prayer is that she will find her life as she gives it away.
It is the way things ought to be. It is the way He designed it. It is the way of
Thank you to all my friends who have prayed for me and encouraged me. Our church ( www.thepointcommunity.net ) took such good care of us by providing wonderful meals for 2 weeks! We are so thankful for the family we have there. We thank the Lord for this new little life he has given us, for the two he already gave us, and for what He has in store for us. In spite of this season where it can be hard at times, we are greatful.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Wow! What a crazy, busy, hectic, fun, tiring summer it's been! Camp is over. What an amazing 5 weeks of seeing kids having fun, and more importantly coming to a closer relationship with Jesus! That's why I haven't posted-haven't had time to post! Everyday was busy, and any time I had to be at home was either spent doing dishes, laundry, or napping. I'm sure no one even looks at my blog anymore-I'm sure you've all given up on me!
You know, it's not always easy having your husband work in a ministry position. The hours were long this summer. And, being very pregnant myself didn't always help. But, the first week of camp, night two, during evening worship it all became clear to me. The camp pastor gave an altar call after his message, and a few kids came forward to accept Christ. That's when, once again, it hit me! What an amazing life we get to live. We get to live and work at a place-a ministry-that leads kids to a saving knowledge of Christ. That's what our life gets to be about. Does it get any better than that? Working in a ministry position doesn't ever mean high pay and fancy vacations, and to be honest, I have struggled with that in the past. I'd like the American dream at times...but what would it cost? Believe me, if you are living it, that's great. But, for us, I know it's not where God has called us to at this time in our lives. None of it will matter-but this will last. I hope I can encourage my girls to understand what an honor it is that God has us here.
Speaking of vacations, we get to go on ours next week. After a long, hard summer, Shane and I are going to get away alone...well, sort of alone. We head to Louisville in 5 days to have a new baby!! We get 4 days away. And, is it crazy to say that we really feel like it'll be restful after the summer? hee, hee...a new baby restful? But, we are so excited to get to finally meet Nehemiah Michael. Shane has finally had time to realize we are having a baby, and he's getting excited. I'm definitely excited, but since both my girls came 12 days early, tomorrow will be the longest I have ever been pregnant! I'm sure he'll be worth it. It may be awhile still til you'll hear from me, but I'll post all about him.
I've posted a picture of the girls at camp this year-after rolling around in our giant mud pit! I wanted to get in so bad-maybe next year. Come on, when do you get that opportunity? Gotta have fun while you can! The girls had a blast.
Well, next time you hear from me, our family will have grown. What a blessing to be a mother. Kari
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I read books that tell me I should set goals daily as a mother. I do, but often fall short. Especially being 29 weeks pregnant! I vacuum, then I need to sit down. I mop the floor, then I need to sit down (lest my heart pound out of my chest-I'm telling you, pregnancy mopping should be banned!) I fold laundry, and I need to rest. Yes, these days, I'm only feeling about 1/2 myself, although I'm really about twice myself!! I can't get everything done. So, I'm trying to be more realistic. This morning I was thinking of what I needed to get done today, and many things came to my mind...but one thing was most pressing.
See, we had a friend over the other day and had a wonderful time. But, the friend had an accident in their pants and took them off upstairs. We realized four days later that some of the residue was left behind on the carpet! This was yesterday. Dare I say that I had planned to get to it when I could get upstairs (gross, I know, but sometimes I am tired!), and I forgot! (How could I forget?) So, today I woke up with ONE goal. Clean up the five day old poo-poo residue on the carpet. And, I can proudly say that I accomplished my goal today! I did do more than that today, by the way, but that was my great accomplishment for the day! Aren't you inspired now?
"In all labor, there is profit." Proverbs 14:23
More from C.H. Spurgeon on his mother....(from C.H. Spurgeon Autobiography, volume 1)
What a blessing to her husband and her family! She could be remembered as griping that her husband was never home to minister to the spiritual needs of his family or maybe that she never got a break! (I'm guilty of that one.) But, what she is being remembered for is her faithfulness to the Lord and her high calling as a mother. She is remembered for earnestly seeking after the Lord for the spiritual well-being of her children, and she blessed her husband and allowed him to do what the Lord had called him to. May we learn from Mrs. Spurgeon and heed her example."Well, I do remember hearing my father speak of an incident that
greatly impressed him. He used to frequently be away from home preaching, and at
one time, as he was on his way to a service, he feared that he was neglecting
his own family while caring for the souls of others. He therefore turned back,
and went to his home. On arriving there, he was surprised to find no one in the
lower rooms of the house but, on ascending the stairs, he heard a sound as of
someone engaged in prayer. It was my mother, pleading most earnestly for the
salvation of all her children, and specially for Charles, her first-born and
strong-willed son. My father felt that he might safely go about his Master's
business while his dear wife was caring so well for the spiritual interests of
the boys and girls at home, so he did not disturb her, but proceeded at once to
fulfill his preaching engagement."
Monday, May 22, 2006
I know I already posted today, but I was on our friend's blog, and found this article again, and wanted to share it with you. May we pray carefully about what we are devoting our time to-me, first and foremost. Since I don't know how to link (I am NOT computer savy), I just copied the article and pasted it here. I'm not sure if that's legal, but I'm sure Brad and Carrie won't mind! (www.happymills.com) Warning: you may be convicted-I know I am!
"You cannot serve both God and the remote control.
You’ve been in my shoes if you’ve ever sat down to pray and found yourself daydreaming of things you still need to get done, things you’ve already done, or things you wish you could do. Our minds are so easily distracted by that which merely offer us temporary joy. As a result, it is the things of eternal value that we are the least willing to pay for.
We have it rough here in America. We have too many entertaining options to distract us from giving our full attention to God. The moment we’re able to prepare our minds for prayer, the phone rings or the kitchen timer dings.
Every day we war with our flesh to determine how we will spend our time. Our Goliath enemy is the television, who’s relentless shouts of mockery sideline us from ever entering the battle.
Would we rather abide with the Savior of our lives or The Days of Our Lives? Are we more interested in Grey’s Anatomy than the God of Eternity? Do we compromise and watch Desperate Housewives? Or would we rather learn what it means to be satisfied servants? We rarely turn from American Idol to serve the living and true God. We would rather be Lost for an hour than redeem an hour with the One who found us?
We need to make sure that we aren’t sacrificing the much weightier issues of spiritual growth. And that we aren’t shamelessly enduring blasphemous and God belittling talk for fleeting pleasures. Lest you feel I’m going overboard in my assessment consider these challenging words from a book called Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper: (see photo above)
“A mind fed daily on TV diminishes. Your mind was made to know and love God. Its facility for this greater calling is ruined by excessive TV. The content is so trivial and so shallow that the capacity of the mind to think worthy thoughts withers, and the capacity of the heart to feel deep emotions shrivels.”
Psalm 84:10 says, “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.” Let me put this verse into perspective for you. At that ratio, spending one hour on our knees before God is better than watching all the episodes of Friends, Law and Order, The Simpsons, That 70s Show and dare I say 7th Heaven combined. "
C.H. Spurgeon, "the price among preachers", is one of my favorites! I love reading his sermons-I am always inspired, convicted, and encouraged. I will always remember what he wrote about his mother in the first volume of his autobiography, in the chapter entitled, "Early Religious Impression." We can certainly learn from her example:
"..I cannot tell you how much I owe to the solemn words of my good mother. It was the custom on Sunday evenings, while we were yet little children, for her to stay at home with us, and then we sat round the table, and read verse by verse, and she explained the Scriptures to us. After that was done, then came the time of pleading...and the question was asked, how long would it be before we would think about our state, how long before we seek the Lord. Then came a mother's prayer, and some of the words of that prayer we shall never forget, even when our hair is grey. I remember on one occassion, her praying thus: 'Now, Lord, if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear a swift witness against them at the day of judgement if they lay not hold of Christ.' That thought of a mother's bearing swift witness against me, pierced my conscience, and stirred my heart....
Fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children. I am sure that, in my early youth, no teaching ever made such an impression upon my mind as the instruction of my mother; neither can I conceive that, to any child, there can be one who will have such influence over the young heart as the mother who has so tenderly cared for her offspring. A man with a soul so dead as not to be moved by the sacred name 'mother' is creation's blot. Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. Certainly I have not the powers of speech with which to set forth my valuation of the choice blessing which the Lord bestowed upon me in making me the son of one who prayed for me, and prayed with me. How can I ever forget her tearful eye when she warned me to escape from the wrath to come?...How can I ever forget when she bowed her knee, and with her arms about my neck, prayed, 'Oh, that my son might live before Thee!' Nor can her frown be effaced from my memory-that solemn, loving frown, when she rebuked my budding iniquities; and her smiles have never faded from my recollections-the beamin of her countenance when she rejoiced to see some good thing in me towards the Lord God of Israel."
(More on Spurgeon's mother to come...)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
My youngest daughter came in this morning quietly and said, "Mom, you haven't seen me in a while, have you?" I said, "No, I haven't and I've missed you." She then went on to inform me that it was only because she had been sleeping. So, I told her I was so glad she was awake and we hugged and cuddled. She had to go to the bathroom, so she got off the bed and was walking there, but then turned around and came back to my bed, put her arms around me and said, "Just 'member, mom, I will always, always love you." As my heart was melting, she then asked me if her prayers last night made me feel better.
The short story...last night when we got home from church, I was feeling nauseous, and my back hurt and my hips hurt, and my throat hurt. Most of it just last trimester stuff. But, I was not feeling good! So, before she kissed me before bedtime, she told me she wanted to pray for me. So, she asked God to help mommy feel better and not be hurt anymore! Well, it was a long, restless night, but eventually I fell asleep and slept well.
So, this morning when she asked me if her prayers had helped, I said yes that they did. I told her that I was able to sleep, and I thanked her for praying. And, she threw her arms around me and said, "Oh, mom, God is a lovely God!" Yes, He is, Lizzie. Yes, He is.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Well, my kids ask questions. Lots of them. Most of the time, I have an answer. This amazes them, and they often ask, "how do you know?" To which I most humbly reply, "I am a mommy. Mommies know everything." This appeases them and the conversation is over. As a matter of fact, I have often heard my youngest daughter ask other adult females a question, and then say, "How do you know? Oh, are you a mommy?"
But, sometimes they just stump you. Sometimes you realize you don't have all the answers. Like yesterday...
Lizzie was sitting next to me on the couch. I had a friend over, who I am glad to say is a good friend and has already seen us at our not so best, so not much in our family phases her anymore! So, Lizzie (my youngest) proceeds to pick her nose, or so I thought. I told her not to pick her nose, but she informed me she was just scratching an itch. But, out came a little booger. So, I told her that she needed to go get a kleenex and wipe it off. She said, "it's okay mom, I'll just put it back." And, she proceeded to put it back where it came from! (They must get these things from their father.) I was trying to be a good mother and inform her that we don't put boogers back where we got them, we get rid of them. (the conversations you have as mothers to your children!)
Well, she couldn't get it back anyways, it just wouldn't stay, so she conceded and got up to get a kleenex. When she got back, she said, "Mom, sometimes I do this (she proceeded to pick around her right nostril) and sometimes I do this (she then dug around her left nostril) and I don't get any boogers. Why?"
Okay, I have to honestly say that this is one question I have never pondered. I had no answer. She stumped me there. I guess there's always some things that even we as mothers don't have answers to. But, you have to admit, it was a pretty good question! And, it gave us quite a laugh.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.." Psalm 127:3
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I'm not sure where I got this from or who originally wrote it, so forgive me whoever you are. I give you anonymous credit.
"'Alas! Must I rock the baby? Wash its diapers? Make it's bed? Smell its stench? Stay at nights with it? Take care of it when it cries? Heal its rashes and sores? And on top of that care for my spouse... take care of this and take care of that? Do this and do that? And, endure this and endure that? Why should I make such a prisoner of myself?'
What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks unto all these insignificant, distateful and despised duties in the spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels.
It says, ' O God, I confess I am not WORTHY to rock that little babe or wash its diapers, or to be entrusted with the care of a child... How is it that I without any merit have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and they most precious will? Oh, how gladly will I do so. Though the duty shoud be even more insignificant and despised, neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labor will distress me FOR I AM CERTAIN THAT IT IS THUS PLEASING IN THY SIGHT.'"
Monday, May 15, 2006
Mother's Day...Let me share my day with you.....
So, I woke up yesterday morning. Now, I had already told my children on Saturday night that Sunday was Mother's Day, so they had to obey and be perfect. They were fine with that-they understood what I said, there was no confusion. Now, I wake up (my husband is at work for the 14th day in a row-camp season has started) to get myself and the kids ready for church. Shane was planning to come home at 9:15am, just in time to go to church. Things started out normal-I hopped in the shower, the kids dressed themselves. All was going well...then my daughters started fighting, just picking at each other, really. Until my youngest kicked the oldest and my oldest told my youngest that she hated her. Now, I do not know where they get this from. They have never been taught this way. I suppose it just goes to prove that they were NOT born good, like so many say. No, they have to be taught to be good-being naughty comes very naturally!!
I stop blow drying my hair to deal with them. One received her punishment with no argument, the other fought me-but you'll be glad to know that I won! We hug, we pray, and I continue to try to get ready. As I am blow drying my hair, I look in the mirror. What has happened to that cute, 19 year old I once was? Some women get pregnant and look like they are carrying basketballs. I look like I am carry basketballs, too-just a few of them, and in many places besides my stomach. Now, I know this is my pride-not my insecurities, as my husband would tell me. Okay, so my pride got ahold of me as I was getting ready for church. Then, the girls start fussing at each other again. This all goes on and on and on. By the time Shane gets home, I am crying my eyes out. Poor man has seen too much of that lately. I suppose 50% or more is hormones. He holds me and prays with me, as he is so good to do. He assures me that I'm beautiful, and ushers the kids into the car. Once in the car, he tells the girls that he will have no more of their fighting as they have already given mom a nervous breakdown before church! And, off to church we go....
At church, there's the usual "how are you?" To which I replied mostly, "How are YOU?" with a smile! Of course, some saw through that, but I promised myself I wouldn't cry at church, since I cried last week at church when people asked how I was! I saved my crying for after church, when we were in the packed out restaurant.
As I couldn't decide what sounded good to eat, Shane took charge and chose Carraba's. Great italian restaurant, it was our first time there. We are seated quickly, which was nice because it was packed. We are on a budget, so looking at the menu did little to relieve my stress. The girls split a dinner, and I chose something on the less-expensive side. My husband-who is an avid carnivore-can't help himself but to go for the $17 steak. It was nothing really, but I had to excuse myself to the ladies' room. I sat in the nice stall, and cried and cried. Why? More or less the last six months of being tired, the last two weeks of having him home less than normal, and some of it the $17 steak! And, I cried some more! I wiped my eyes, went to the table trying for him not to notice my puffy, red eyes. He said, "you've been crying, haven't you?" And, I started crying again!
After I got it out of my system, I suppose I was feeling a bit better. I enjoyed my manicotti and salad, and we even laughed some at our silly girls. Shane went to Starbucks, and then took us to Coldstone Creamery. Now, I quite quickly forgot the budget we were on and ordered a peanut butter cup chocolate concoction of ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle bowl...then the crying was miraculously over. As a matter of fact, Shane said he should have taken me there first, because I couldn't stop smiling. I ate about 1/4 of it and couldn't eat anymore!
I'm happy to say the rest of the day was nice. I got to take a nap, spend time with my family, and be assured over and over that I am loved. It's nice to be loved when you don't feel lovely, when all you want to do is cry and sleep. It's great to be part of a family who doesn't think you're crazy even when you think you just might be! I love my little family God has given me. I love being a mom, even on the rough days. And, I'm so thankful for a husband who will just hold me and kiss my forehead as much as it takes to reassure me I am his and I can be at rest there. He's a good example of God to me. I am truly blessed. Kari
So, who am I? (I'm assuming that many women around the world will be reading my blog. More likely, it will only be my friends who love me and already know me-so all this will be common knowledge to them.) However, I am a mother of two beautiful girls and one little boy who's still developing in my womb! I am a wife to the most wonderful, Godly husband who is an assistant camp director. We live in the sticks of Kentucky. I would tell you the name of the city, but you would laugh. I am a stay at home mom, and I homeschool my darling children. They keep me busy and tired!
I am a mom like most of you who strives to daily do better, love God more, love my children more like He does, and be the best wife there ever was. Unfortunately, I have not arrived. So, come with me on my journey....you may laugh, you may cry. More likely, you will laugh at me. That's okay. Kari